In my lifetime I have witnessed many influential Christian leaders fall from their pedestal. Most of these men have become disgraced by the controversy surrounding them. Most will recall Ted Haggard’s, “fall from grace” a couple years ago, how he had many affairs with a male prostitute and bought and used crystal meth. This was a shocking and painful discovery that rocked his church and the broader body of Christ. Ted has been out of the spotlight since then essentially disappearing from the radar all together until recently. Over the past week or so he and his wife Gayle have been doing several appearances on popular talk shows promoting their story and the HBO documentary now airing. Last night with my wife Kristin and my son Caleb, I watched Ted, Gayle and Marcus being interviewed on “Larry King, Live”, and it moved me to pray for them. I believe in correction, I want to be full of Grace and Truth as Jesus was. I am hopeful for their family and all those who this event affected. As I watched the interview last night I saw what was in my opinion the saddest part of the story, and it was not that Ted had a homosexual affair, or that he was using elicit drugs. Larry asked Marcus (Ted’s son) something to the effect of, “When you found out about all of this how did it make you feel about your dad?” His response was extremely sad, He said “of course I was angry, but I was also relieved”. His relief came as he said because he was never able to really relate to him as a dad, his perception was that his father was too busy, and that he was perceived to be perfect. So here was the adult son of a world renowned preacher and leader was obviously angry about his father’s betrayal but he was relieved because now he would be able to know his father because he would be around more and that he could relate to him because he wasn’t perfect. I am not lobbing stones here, but I just find it really sad that it took all of this for a son to have a proper relationship with his dad. As a pastor and a pastor’s son, this morning I woke up and prayed sincerely for Marcus and his family that God would redeem this whole thing in their lives.
Perhaps this is all too real because I was watching it with my own son and my wife who has my new son in the oven as it were. I also understand the pace and pressure that a pastor feels leading a growing church, how to balance all of that is very tricky. To me some things just aren’t worth loosing. I believe I am called to a “GREAT WORK”, as Nehemiah would say but I am unwilling to sacrifice the “GREAT WORK” of being a husband and a dad for the “LESSER WORK”, of being a pastor. Kristin and I talk about this all of the time and we have made hard choices to limit what we are involved with in order to protect what is more valuable and that is my family. Some people don’t like it when I don’t attend every function or meeting, but I have become comfortable in saying no, regardless of the pressure or the outcome. I have told my church many times, “Don’t make me choose between you and my family, because you will lose.” The Bible charges Christian leaders to place a priority on the family as a qualification for leadership, because it validates true prioritized leadership.
I pray that my wife and my sons will not be sacrificed on the altar of ministry or ambition, because in the end they are my greatest ministry. My son’s will love Jesus and the church and they will aspire towards the calling God has for them, whatever that is, in part because I invested the largest portion of my ministry gift into them. My hope is that my example and not my ambition or eloquence would motivate those around me to aspire to do the same. Stop and pray for the Haggard family today.
Kristin, Caleb, and Jonah you are my greatest call on this earth. I am honored that you would call me your husband and your dad. I would give my life for you. Other than Jesus there is nothing else in this life that matters more than you. I love you.
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